By Wyatte Grantham-Philips – The Associated Press
While many happy couples are grateful to dating apps for having met them, many others feel that the endless searching and awkward texting lead nowhere and leave them exhausted.
That was the case of Marilyn Espitia, a photographer and photography editor freelance 31-year-old in California who first ventured into the world of online dating when she was in college and met her ex-partner and father of her son on OkCupid.
She has been single for about three years now, and while she remains a “hopeless romantic” who plans to continue using these platforms, primarily Hinge, Espitia says she logs out of the apps or pauses her profile when it becomes too overwhelming.
“It’s starting to get overwhelming,” Espitia says.
According to Yasmine Saad, a clinical psychologist, three out of every four people she works with use dating apps, and between 80 and 90% have reported feeling tired or exhausted similar to Espitia’s at some point.
This is partly because online dating never promises success, whether you’re looking for a life partner or an adventure.
“It is a very difficult process for people, because you invest a lot and then you receive little.” explains Saad, founder and executive director of Madison Park Psychological Services, in New York. “It triggers a lot of hopelessness and a lot of self-esteem problems.”
Dating App Exhaustion Is Probably As Old As Dating Apps Themselves appssays Kathryn Coduto, an associate professor of communication sciences at Boston University, who has been studying online dating since 2016.
But fatigue can be even greater these days because there’s an app for every aspect of our daily lives, and that constant connectivity can be overwhelming. Pandemic-era “Zoom fatigue” has spread to other areas of tech consumption, Coduto says, and online dating is no exception.
“The pandemic increased loneliness”
That doesn’t mean dating apps are going away anytime soon. Research indicates that their use has remained relatively stable in recent years.
[Hay cada vez más llamadas a las líneas telefónicas de ayuda contra la adicción al juego. Quienes llaman son más jóvenes]
The Pew Research Center noted that three in 10 U.S. adults said they had ever used an online dating site or app in July 2022, an identical proportion to that found in October 2019, months before COVID-19 impacted much of daily life, including dating habits.
While there was some uptick in downloads by new users at the start of the pandemic, Coduto’s research found a bigger spike in usage among those who already had dating apps and spent more time on them during lockdowns, which also limited in-person interactions, the knock-on effects of which are still being felt today.
“The pandemic increased loneliness”says Saad. “But it also pushed hopelessness because even the apps are not meeting people’s socialization needs.”
For Jennifer Stavros, a journalist freelance in Los Angeles, California, her time in the online dating world has had “mixed” results. Although she is still giving it a try apps Like Tinder, Hinge and OkCupid, Stavros acknowledges she’s had a run of suitors going nowhere.
[Wizz, una aplicación similar a Tinder dirigida a jóvenes, eliminada de las tiendas de Apple y Google]
“We talk and I think we’re going well (but) then (the interaction) just falls down or hits a wall,” says Stavros, 42. “It doesn’t make me feel very hopeful.”
Others point out that it can also be easy to forget that there are people on the other side of the screen, making them feel left out in the search for a romantic relationship.
“I think that feeling of constantly swiping contributes to burnout,” Coduto says.
Yumei He, a professor of management sciences at Tulane University’s AB Freeman School of Business who has also studied online dating, explains that painful experiences, such as being a victim of ghostingcan lead users to distrust a platform or assume that all future interactions on it will end the same way, leading them to disconnect and decide that “dating is important, but my safety, my self-esteem, is more important.”
And of course, burnout doesn’t look the same for everyone. Experiences vary depending on gender, sexuality, race and ethnicity. Researchers have found that women and men are more likely to experience burnout than men. queerfor example, are more likely to be harassed than men, just as ethnic and racial minorities are often fetishized on online dating platforms, or experience other discrimination stemming from sexual racism.
The trauma of experiencing discrimination and other abuse on dating apps can make it very difficult to stay online or trust again, Coduto says.
[EE.UU. advierte a sus ciudadanos sobre el uso de Tinder y Grindr en Colombia tras “muertes sospechosas”]
The gay dating app Grindr alerts users to potential security threats in their area, which has been crucial in countries where they may face police raids and other dangers, Grindr CEO George Arison explained in an interview. . Users can also browse for free in incognito mode, which is usually a paid feature, in some places, he added.
“All Grindr users are under some challenge in their lives,” Arison says. “Our job has always been to create a safe environment so people can be themselves.”
Asked about dating app burnout, Arison says “we haven’t seen any fatigue among Grindr users,” but notes that there is a growing hunger for innovation.
Proof of this are the dozens of updates that have emerged in various dating applications, from the new option of prompts from Bumble, which changes the way the platform historically facilitated the “first step,” to the feature Matchmaker of Tinder, which allows friends to recommend profiles to each other, and Hinge’s tests of your turn limits, to help prevent the ghosting.
“People are hungry for love”
Some popular platforms such as Grindr and Tinder say they have begun integrating artificial intelligence to help identify potential harmful messages and other security measures. Others are also exploring the possibilities of AI, such as using the technology to strengthen matching algorithms or offering users message suggestions and date ideas.
“We are just scratching the surface,” says Anindya Ghose, professor of technology and marketing from the Heinz Riehl Chair at New York University’s Stern School of Business, who believes artificial intelligence could help alleviate burnout, but transparency will be key.
These types of innovations can be a way to keep people hooked on dating apps. Espitia would be open to the platforms introducing more updates, including the use of AI, if they help improve connections between people.
“We are in a new era to find love,” he says. “People are hungry for love and if that can help (technology) why not (try)?”
