The premise of Think well and you will be right (Plataforma Editorial, 2024), by journalist Natalia Martín Cantero, who is also a university professor and yoga and yoga instructor. mindfulness, It is that whoever has a brain has a problem, because as the neuroscientist Wolf Singer assures, “our brain is like an orchestra without a conductor.” Yes when reading mindfulness If someone thinks about a retreat to Bali and immediately frowns with skepticism, they should know that the author defends that what can help leave discomfort behind is actually much closer. “There is almost nothing outside of yourself that can help in a lasting way, unless you are waiting for an organ from a donor,” says the writer Anne Lamott, and precisely what Martín Cantero intends is for the reader to understand that in reality, achieving Peace of mind is an internal job that is not related to fame, fortune or a partner.
Q. Idiotic compassion shows that compassion can be immensely selfish, right?
R. Compassion misunderstood yes: we are faced with the so-called ‘idiotic compassion’ when what guides us is not so much the good of the other, but rather avoiding our own suffering and discomfort. A classic (and extreme) example: offering a drink to an alcoholic so he or she doesn’t feel alone.
In life there are often more ambiguous situations than that, it is true. In these cases, for compassion to be wise instead of idiotic, it must be accompanied by discernment, critical thinking to act judiciously and observe what is happening from different angles. And other important ingredients that are not usually associated with compassion (but should be) are the strength and courage to make difficult decisions.
Q. He differentiates between compassion and empathy, and in doing so, once again comes the surprise: empathy is treacherous. Could the current obsession with empathy be to blame for the boom in therapeutic language on the networks?
R. I think there is little reflection around these concepts, of course. The social pressure that emerges from the networks leads us to say a lot of stupid things (although I won’t be the one to cast the first stone!). But if we dig a little deeper, we quickly realize that empathy is not a good guide to moral reasoning. It makes us go through life with the lights dimmed, attentive only to our small tribe. Empathy explains why we care more about one person than about a hundred (or hundreds of thousands) who live far away from us. And furthermore, it is easy to manipulate: this is what happens when we humanize animals, on the one hand, or dehumanize entire groups, as happens in war conflicts.
Understanding people is important, but it is not necessarily a force for good. It can also be a force for evil. It is important, therefore, to defend the value of conscious reasoning in everyday life, and to use the head, not just the heart.
The social pressure that emerges from the networks leads us to say a lot of stupid things.
Q. Why is it common to quickly get used to the good and anchor the bad?
R. Part of the blame lies with the so-called ‘hedonic adaptation system’: the ability to adapt to the good that happens to us and immediately take it for granted. Thus, we return to our ‘base’ level of happiness despite the positive changes.
Another explanation lies in the ‘negativity bias’, the tendency to pay more attention to negative experiences than to positive ones (“Velcro for the bad, Teflon for the good,” UC Berkeley neuropsychologist Rick Hanson often says. ). It makes all the sense in the world from an evolutionary point of view, since it has allowed us to be more attentive to dangers and learn from pain: cat scalded by hot water, runs away.
The important thing is to realize if this bias is operating in your life now, in this moment. On the other hand, the practice of gratitude (which is most related to mental well-being) helps us counteract the tendency to quickly adapt to the positive.
Q. If to be less manipulable it is imperative to learn to be present, what will become of a society that does not know how to stop or be present in the now?
R. It is very worrying, of course. At an individual level, we have tools to work the attention muscle and bring more awareness to our lives. This will allow us to be less manipulable and more free, since we will respond to stimuli deliberately, instead of reacting automatically.
However, just as it takes a tribe to raise a child, as they say, we need much stronger and more effective collective action to stem the tsunami of inattention and speed caused by big technology companies. Despite the very real impact it is having on our mental health (and that of adolescents and children), this does not appear at the top of the programs of pressure groups or politicians. But should.
Q. Sonja Lyubomirsky indicates that emotional well-being depends 50% on genetics, 10% on the circumstances of the moment and 40% on how one copes with what happens to each person. Are the ashes and pessimists doomed?
R. The genetic issue has a bearing on our emotional well-being, but this model and these percentages are debatable and, in fact, there is a debate underway around this issue. This is also a dangerous belief, because it places you in a self-fulfilling prophecy; something you can’t escape. That said, I believe it is always possible to apply a more compassionate and constructive narrative to our lives. For example: I surprise myself every day by verifying how dilemmas and situations that for me are a source of stress tend to leave my partner practically indifferent, who would fall, according to that theory, on the side of the lucky ones by birth. However, that ‘ashy’ side of mine is also what helps me to be more intuitive and sensitive, to understand the roots of suffering and to open the door to others. This is a way to transform the ash, as you say, into a positive.
Q. The media tends to focus on the negative, and you point out that this ends up having an impact on how society sees things, but you know how much misfortunes sell… As journalists, how can we change things, when what sells? is it the pain?
R. Being imaginative and brave. One of the articles that remained among the most viewed for several days right here was an interview with a Zen monk titled ‘Happiness is contagious’. Because? Inspiration also clicks. And I say brave because it is important to dare to say no to requests or opportunities that do not fit with our values.
Q. Self-criticism, far from keeping us afloat, can sink us. Why have we been taught that it is essential?
R. We would have to unlearn so many things! Many of us have been taught that self-criticism helps us thrive. And, furthermore, in our culture it is shown as a way to avoid arrogance. But more and more research proves that a self-compassion-based approach works best, and that self-criticism is paralyzing and erodes our well-being. How we speak to ourselves in the privacy of our minds can hurt or heal, and we could even say that our quality of life depends largely on the degree of cordiality with which we treat each other.
Q. He talks about corners to breathe and how reducing suffering and walking towards happiness is a shared task… What do you think of the apps to meditate and the business that is being developed around breathing and meditation?
R. Nothing escapes the centrifuge of capitalism, of course. On the one hand, this barrage of apps and meditation resources gives agile access to powerful tools, and opens the door to many people who, otherwise, would never have gotten there. But it is also a drain with many cantamanas, without a doubt. And, simplifying, we are witnessing a great risk of perverting, for money, important teachings, of mixing wheat with chaff. Once again, the ability to discern is essential.
Q. Anxiety and fear can help us understand and learn, but we constantly medicate ourselves and run away from anxiety…
R. Learning comes from confronting what is most problematic for us, and leaving our little world based on likes and dislikes. Difficulties are the ideal breeding ground to show us what we need. The first step is to stop, pause. Ask ourselves what is happening to us, what is happening inside us. And do it in a compassionate way, as if it were a good friend. As Master Thich Nhat Hanh says, the best way out is through: The best way to get out of a problem is to go through it. Not by going shopping… Although, if you go, don’t beat yourself up about it!
Q. Hurry appears on more than one occasion in the book as an enemy. How can you slow down in a fast-paced society?
R. As individuals we can safeguard some spaces, create refuges, and cultivate ways to have more control over our attention. But it is a shared task. Is this the society we want? Here too we need stronger collective action.
Q. It is not easy to set limits, do you think it is even more difficult to do so as a woman?
R. A common idea, perhaps inherited from self-sacrificing and long-suffering mothers, is that limits are selfish. The reality, I think, is that in the shadow of the ‘noes’, of the limits, projects grow that need space, and also compassionate and loving acts.
Q. Why should we value the secondary characters in our lives more?
R. I’m sure we’ve all received kindness and compassion from a stranger at some point in our lives (or many times). Altruism is rooted in the foundation of well-being. Several studies prove that interactions with the secondary characters in our lives influence our happiness as much as those we have with the people we live with.
Q. What is necessary to cope with discomfort?
R. Years ago, I had the opportunity to spend a few days, to prepare a report, with a group of people from the Landless Rural Workers Movement (MST), in Brazil. They fight for agrarian reform and access to land for peasants and rural workers who are not landowners. I was impressed by the joy of life and the moral strength of this group that lived in the gutter. When I told this experience to a friend she told me: ‘They have themselves.’ Having yourself, which involves knowing yourself and the causes of suffering and the content of your mind, is the raw material with which you can build that raft to cross from the shore of suffering to that of well-being.
Q. Happiness is within us, but isn’t introspection terrifying?
R. Clear. It is one thing to say that happiness is within us, and another to achieve it. To begin with, it is hard work to get rid of everything that is left over, such as the self-critical voice.
