when Harvard published his Adult Development Studyone of the longest in history, discovered that the true key to happiness is not in money or possessions, but in the relationships we have. In the quality of these relationships, whether family, friendship or couple.
Many times we think it is a matter of quantity and that we have a million friends, as I said Roberto Carlos’s songbut the secret is to deepen the relationships we already have, in order to connect and improve the link with other people. You can get it by putting these four things proven by science.
To thank
If we pay attention to Research, Express gratitude is linked to greater happiness, more solid relationships and a better capacity to face adversity. Cultivating gratitude is a way of cultivating joyand that joy gives us well -being. However, as explained by the famous psychologist Arthur C. Brooks in a New York Times article “For many people, gratitude is difficult, because life is difficult. Even beyond depression and depression, there are many daily circumstances in which gratitude does not easily arise.” With a friend we can be grateful in a thousand ways if we think about it a bit. After telling him something we can thank him for listening to us, we can thank him for that coffee plan, tell him how much you enjoy time with him …
Ask
According to Harvard researchers, we use four types of Questions in our conversations. The most effective are the follow -up questions that delve and request more information. That “tell me more” than not only demonstrates that you are a good conversationbut also that You interest genuinely for who you have in front And it allows you to deepen and know another person even more. Of course, we always have to leave space to the answer if we are going to ask a question.
This exchange generates a connection and The studies They show that in most cases, the person who responds is glad that you have interested and have responded. If you don’t even know where to start, I recommend you check The best questions to meet someoneto inspire yourself.
Show vulnerability
It may be hard for you to accept other people because we see our vulnerability as something negative while That of other people is attractive to us by a psychological phenomenon called “beautiful mess effect”. Vulnerability brings us closer to people, but fear of rejection can prevent us from opening others. However, vulnerability and honesty are essential if we want to build and maintain a relationship.
-At practical levels, self -revelation It is associated with greater sympathy and closeness In social interactions, and helps us find points in common. In addition, when we show ourselves vulnerable, either asking for help or talking about something, we are perceived as more authentic and that It is associated with greater confidence, satisfaction and commitment In relationships.
Share
Obviously we need to spend time together and share things with our friends. Aristotle already said it in his book ‘Ethics to Nicómaco‘, that the deepest friendship requires a lot of time with that person. Not only to maintain the relationship, but to reach that connection point. You need about 50 hours of socialization for someone to go from being a “known” to a “casual friend”, 90 hours to become a “friend” and More than 200 hours to become an “intimate friend.” If you want to connect with someone spend time.
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