The doctor Robert Waldinger He is the current director of Adult Development Studythe investigation undertaken by Harvard University in 1938 to help us understand how we can live longer and better. He began by studying teenagers and college students, and now continues the research of his grown children and grandchildren.
These investigations have allowed us to change the scientific ideas that were had about how to achieve happiness. His first great discovery is now fully accepted evidence: “The happiest, longest and healthiest people are those who have the more active social connections”, summarized Dr. Waldinger.
These connections are not generic. They are very specific: it is the couple, friends and also the coworkerswith whom you share a good part of your time, and even casual relationships, from a sporadic chat in the supermarket queue until the neighbor the one you come across every day.
If you take care of yourself you will be happy today and in the future
One of the aspects that the psychiatrist highlights most is that it is a mistake to postpone your relationships. “We often see that when we are young we receive the message to work hard now and You’ll think about relationships later.. Our data says don’t do it”, emphasized Waldinger, in an American podcast.
You can’t postpone love. It doesn’t matter if you professional ambition it takes up a lot of your time. Neither as a young man nor as an old man. Maturity involves learning to do not neglect the love of those around you.
We have to focus on the here and nowalthough also thinking about the future. “You need take care of your body as if you were going to need it for a hundred years. If you do, you are much more likely to be happy now,” he explains.
Taking care of yourself means exercise, eat well, get enough sleep and have regular medical check-ups. All of these are not sacrifices for the future. They are elements that They help you feel better with yourself.
What kind of love makes you happy?
When talking about love and happiness, doubts arise. What love are we talking about? There are couples that last a lifetime, others discover their partner as adults. There are those who do not believe in monogamy.
Waldinger admits that there is no single right answer. The love that gives happiness It is not based on a marriage license or cohabitation. Everyone can find different paths to happiness in love.
“We believe that the key is in the attachment to that other person -Explain-. The feeling that another person is there when you need them. We think that positive relationships are safety netsstress regulators”.
He stress is the great enemy of happiness. Uncontrolled stress hormones wear us down: “the joints, the cardiovascular system, the pancreas…”, he lists.
That’s why happiness, stress and longevity are interrelated. That’s why those relationships that help you relax are so important, whether because the other person listens to you or advises you.
Happiness after 40
Another of the topics that has been most significant in the Harvard study is the famous middle age crisis. A crisis that many specialists question, since there is no clear evidence that it exists, at least not as a pathological problem.
Yes, it is true, according to Waldinger, that he opens a reflection stage: “We know from science that a period is beginning in which the mortality awareness It becomes more vivid, gradually. We reach 40 years old and death is no longer an abstraction”.
The best advice that can be given to all these people is that they have time to curbing workaholismso typical of this age of ambition. When the elderly volunteers in the study were asked what they regretted, many said, “I wish I had dedicated myself to spending more time with the people I care about.”.
And what about women? Unfortunately, these data cannot be extrapolated exactly because at the beginning of the study All volunteers were men. Later, 40 years ago, women began to be incorporated.
Don’t worry so much about what people will say
Referring to the lamentations that older women specifically reported, the psychiatrist makes another interesting observation: “Many of them said ‘I wish I hadn’t been worried so much about what others would think of me and I would have done more of what really fulfilled me’”.
Sometimes we can’t social pressurewhat is expected of us and that leads us down paths that are not those of true happiness. How many have not entered a job just because it was the family tradition, when there was no true vocation.
It is true that the study reflects features of the 20th century; these adult women lived in a time with greater social pressure and fewer freedoms than those enjoyed by later generations (without going any further than the revolutionary sixties or, in Spain, the madness of the eighty).
“Nobody else is going to live your life -says the psychiatrist in summary-. I think that It is essential to listen to yourself. It’s your life. You can’t let what others say drive you”.
And he signs it with a quote from Professor Joseph Campbella famous American anthropologist: “If the path before you is clear, you are probably walking someone else’s path.”
