MONDAY, May 6, 2024 (HealthDay News) — Everyone knows that specific type of sports parent: the over-the-top parent who curses, yells and even becomes physically aggressive during their child’s game.
While they may think they are cheering their child to victory, such bad sports behavior can actually turn a child or teen away from athletics, psychiatrists warn.
“Some of those behaviors would be setting unrealistic expectations for the young athlete, such as perfection in a game, and showing disappointment or embarrassment if your child does not meet those expectations,” Dr. Lauren Havel, assistant professor, said in a news release. of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston.
If children feel like they can’t meet their parents’ expectations, they might begin to doubt their own abilities, he warns. They may also worry about whether their parents are proud of them, despite their difficulties on the field or court.
On the other hand, if a child meets unrealistic expectations, they might equate their self-esteem with perfection, a safe setup for future self-esteem problems, Havel said.
“When parents set unrealistic expectations or put too much pressure, children can develop performance anxiety,” she said.
Children learn to interact with others by observing the important adults in their lives, Havel said.
As a result, children may end up emulating the disrespect their parents show toward a coach, referees, the opposing team, or other parents.
Additionally, when parents curse or use physical aggression, young athletes may begin to believe that these are acceptable ways to deal with frustration or solve problems.
In essence, parents could be training their children to be bad athletes, Havel said.
On the other hand, an exaggerated sports parent could make his children hang their heads.
“When parents are aggressive or exaggerated, children may also feel ashamed or embarrassed,” Havel said.
She recommends that sports parents who want to behave correctly during a game:
Focus on the child and his or her motivations, rather than your own motivations as a parent. Consider why they play the game and what they like about it.
Embrace the fun of sports and have an encouraging and playful attitude during events.
Encourage your child, as well as the opposing team, to model respectful behavior and sportsmanship.
Emphasize the process rather than the result. Praise your child for his effort and hustle, instead of obsessing over a bad play or a tough loss.
If a child seems upset, disappointed, or frustrated, validate and acknowledge their feelings and then follow up with reasonable encouragement.
Walk away if you feel like you can’t control your behavior during a game. Take a walk around the countryside or grab a snack from the concessions to get away from the situation and away from your agitation.
Wait until after the game to express your concerns to a coach or official. Instead of having that conversation in front of the kids, do it privately or through an official channel.
Children must learn that success involves how to achieve their goals as well as ultimately achieving them.
“The idea of focusing on the process instead of the outcome is really important for developing a growth mindset in children,” Havel said. “A growth mindset means believing that talent is developed through work and dedication.”
He said that it is not about scoring the goal, but about improving their process to get to the result they want.
“This is important for kids not only in athletics, but in school and in their personal lives,” he added.
Ultimately, parents must help children develop a healthy self-esteem that is not too fragile and that allows them to tolerate disappointment or frustration.
“These tips are ways to help children not only avoid behavioral patterns and self-esteem issues that can be problematic in the short term, but also future anxiety disorders,” Havel said.
More information
The Association for Applied Sports Psychology offers more information on the do’s and don’ts for parents of young athletes.
SOURCE: Baylor College of Medicine, news release, April 30, 2024
What does this mean for you?
Parents should model their best behavior for their athletic sons or daughters, to help them become good athletes and confident adults.
