Seven lessons to overcome negativity and be happier

Have you noticed how happy most children are? Asks you Bruce Hood, an experimental psychologist specializing in developmental cognitive neuroscience. He is the kind of scientist adorned with an impressive CV, which in his case includes a PhD from Cambridge, having been a professor at MIT and Harvard, and being a professor of Developmental Psychology at the University of Bristol. So when you ask questions it doesn’t hurt to pay attention to your answers.

Hood explains that “as a developmental psychologist, I have been studying children for four decades.” And not only because his office “overlooks a school playground.” At every recess “he is filled with the laughter and squeals of the little ones as they play.” What’s with all that joy? As we grow up, “we become unhappy adults. Even if things are going well for us, authentic and lasting happiness can be elusive.

Why and how does this happen? To clarify these questions, Hood dedicates his research and his teachings, which he summarizes in the book ‘The Science of Happiness’ (ed. Planeta). In many ways, “it is a book of ‘self-destruction'”, of ‘disassembling’ the self, “because an overly egocentric self can be the source of much unhappiness.” To break negative thinking patterns, this expert teaches seven lessons that he complements with his respective duties, which is why he is a teacher.

1: Change your ego

“Adult happiness requires that we change our sense of self to take into account the minds of others.” We tend to see ourselves “as an entity isolated from reality.” And this can be changed. “If we want to be happier, we have to take this opportunity to see ourselves as the product of our interconnection with others, and not as an island.”

Start a journal, adopt an allocentric point of view – such as trying to put yourself in the other person’s shoes in a conflict or argument – ​​or distance yourself from your disturbing thoughts by saying “I am not my feelings, my emotions, my past, or my beliefs.” These are some of the exercises that complete this lesson.

2: Avoid isolation

“We thrive in groups and languish if isolated.” Loneliness “can not only make us unhappy, it can even kill us,” Hood insists. So homework for this lesson includes investing time in cultivating your relationships and taking a break from social media.

3: Reject negative comparisons

It is important to “remember that when we make a judgment, we do so by comparison, and that the comparisons we make determine the judgment.” Exercises: Write three things in your life that you are grateful for. Acknowledge the times you have failed, but notice the unexpected benefits of those failures.

4: Be more optimistic

As animals, we have “developed the propensity to pay attention to negative signals in the environment” as a defense mechanism. We focus more on the bad than the good. You have to work on optimism. Not only because optimists are happier, “but they are also healthier, others like them better and have a longer life expectancy,” says Hood from his chair. Exercise: Imagine the best possible future for yourself. Distance yourself from your current situation and imagine your ideal situation in five years. Write what it could be like.

5: Control your attention

We spend our lives imagining possible futures that, when we have anxiety or stress, we always think of as bad. Let’s try to control these ramblings. As an exercise for this, “take note of when your mind wanders and identify when it tends to negative thoughts.” In those moments, “do an activity that requires concentration.”

6: Connect with others

A simple way to change our negative perspective “is contact with others.” “Shared experiences intensify our pleasure.” So “engage in more activities that provide opportunities for synchronicity. And “put away your smartphone during social interactions.”

7: Get out of your head

There are shocking experiences overwhelming enough “to induce states of altered ego” similar to what psychedelic drugs produce, oh well. Travel through an impressive landscape or contemplate the Milky Way through a telescope, for example. «In these states of rapture we see things with a certain perspective, including our problems. Since you can’t travel to space, go out and contemplate the sky whenever you can. Reignite your childhood curiosity and start exploring your own neighborhood and its history. Each week, spend time on a hobby that brings you joy. It could be, in a group.