The advice columns in newspapers and magazines have helped people solve their personal problems. They offer a space for their readers to send annoyances, doubts and conflicts and the journalist in charge shares their advice. In English, they are known as ‘agony column’which means column of agony and the person who answers is an ‘agony aunt’, agony aunt, in Spanish.
Precisely, the British newspaper ‘The Sun’ has managed this space, called ‘Dear Deidre’ in honor of its original writer, Deidre Sanders. Now, it is the journalist Sally Land who responds and in one of the most recent versions of her a man confessed that he was tired of living a lie.
“My wife is secretly lesbian and I’m tired of living a lie”, was the title of the anonymous query. The man, 48, told his story and revealed that he was upset that the woman, 52, would marry him while he was aware of her sexual orientation.
The subject said that they have been married for 18 years and have a 16-year-old son, but that the whole situation had made him “miserable” and that he was never able to “satisfy (his) sexual needs.”
“Comes from a strict Christian family, who would have disowned her if he had known her true sexual preferences. “She made me fall in love with her, maybe because I have a good job and could give her a nice house and a comfortable lifestyle,” he said.
She confessed that sexual relations had always been a problem, but that she always believed that she had a low sexual desire or lack of libido. However, Throughout the marriage his wife had had several affairs with other women and “never worried about hiding them.”
The real problem began when he confronted her and the woman told him she believed he was aware of her sexual orientation. “She argued that because she wasn’t sleeping with another man, it wasn’t infidelity. I feel so alone, like I wasted my life with her,” he wrote.
The man confessed that he longed to feel desired and have sexual relations with a person who really wanted to be with him. However, he feared the legal and financial repercussions that could happen if he divorced.
Faced with the reader’s dilemma, journalist Sally Land said that he should not let material fears stop him and that he should seek legal advice so that the assets were divided fairly.
The difficult decision to disclose sexual orientation
Despite the evolution in the fight towards the rights of the LGBTIQ+ community, People continue to face society’s prejudices and face many obstacles. According to statistics published by the charity that defends LGBTIQ+ rights in the United Kingdom, only 46 percent of these people feel able to be open about their gender identity or sexual orientation with all members of their family.
Furthermore, they pointed out that 64 percent had been victims of violence or abuse due to their sexual preference. “Of these, nine in 10 (92 percent) had experienced verbal abuse, three in 10 (29 percent) had experienced physical violence and two in 10 (17 percent) had experienced sexual violence,” the NGO reported. .
The vast majority of the world’s sexual minority population, approximately 83 percent keep their orientation hidden from all or most of the people in their lives, according to a Yale University study.
There are negative impacts for LGBTIQ+ people when they cannot be open about their sexual orientation. According to a study by ‘BMC Medical Education’, This silencing can lead to isolation, self-harm, sexual risk-taking, substance abuse, and poor relationships. Research shows that the inability to disclose sexual or gender identity, and the stress related to decisions about coming out, are also consistently linked to suicide and depression.
Experts suggest having a support network and doing it when you feel comfortable and safe.
